Unfortunately, not me, a different Sandy Smith who’s a producer in Britain.

And the people horrified were British pensioners who went on cheap holiday to Mexico. Part of the savings was agreeing to be put in a hotel once you arrive and they determine who had room. Trouble was, a few of them, without foreknowledge, got sent to, well, a swingers’ hotel.

EXCLUSIVE:
PENSIONERS TRAPPED
IN SEX-PARTY HELL

– Couples romp in pool – Boozy oral sex games -Swingers play in nude

BRITISH tourists looking for a peaceful fortnight in the sun found themselves trapped in a sleazy resort surrounded by sex-crazed swingers.

Side note: I have a soft spot for tabloids in the British style. That’s perhaps why I don’t get as upset over Fox News as some. Sure it’s right wing, but in the end it’s about the Shock and Horror of the day, and they’ll be just as happy if Obama wins so they can be Shocked and Horrified some more without any of that apologizing and covering up they’ve been doing for the past eight years.

So, on with the show:

Marlene Black, 65, a retired chef from Hull, who was with her daughter Kym Maxwell, said: “I saw two men with a board saying ‘I am a big loser’. A second later I realised they were both starkers.

“Women were by the pool doing things with bananas and the men had their blow-up dolls.

“It was filthy and depraved. I have never seen people as obsessed with sex.”

Marly, baby, don’t front. You were a chef. I’ve read Kitchen Confidential. You’re not fooling anyone. You’re also 65, which makes you a Baby Boomer. It worked the same way over there, like, wow, free love.

What did the chef see?

SORDID: Man licks woman’s breasts as onlookers ogle the ‘Tequilla game’

Shocking. SHOCKING. I am UPSET. I do not have nearly the BMI to be any part of this. And, you know, the committed partner. But even if she were more open-minded, there would be a lot of physical training, and I have a chronic laziness condition.

So where did my Google vanity search get the link? Here:

SHOCKING: Banana game gets more depraved

Watchdog editor Sandy Smith said: “We decided to go out ourselves because we wanted to be sure the couples who complained to us weren’t just a bit prudish.

“But our team was shocked by what they saw and were able to film and they’re young and broadminded.

Yeah, Sandy, I’m sure. Good journalism, that. Dedication despite the hardship of the story. Also, you’re probably as pasty and blobby as I am, right? Let’s be honest here, that’s why you didn’t join in on those reindeer games…though I’d love to see your expense reports.

“We’re glad the firm has offered compensation after Watchdog got involved and said it won’t put ‘allocation on arrival’ guests in the Blue Bay Getaway again.”

Ah, a happy ending…if you know what I mean. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.