The Republicans are making sure I know that conservatives can be every bit as repugnant to those who care about liberty by trying to pass an anti-flag-burning amendment. So here’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to buy two flags. If a Constitutional amendment on something so meaningless, let alone anti-First-Amendment, as enabling prohibitions against flag-burning is ratified, I will burn the first flag on a public sidewalk. If the enabling legislation to make it a crime is passed, I will burn the second flag, again on a public sidewalk.

Now, you have to remember that the government can stop you any time it wants. Laws do not exist for you to follow, but rather to make sure there’s some obscure law they can accuse you of breaking when they decide they want to alter your behavior in some manner. So there are already some current laws against unlicensed fires or something or an EPA regulation against garbage disposal (because at that point the American flag may as well stand for garbage, because it sure won’t stand for freedom) that they will charge me with in the first instance.

So if you are against burning flags and want a law against it, the way to get me not to burn them is not to pass any stupid amendments or laws. Tough, I know. You’re just yearning to be stupid.

If you’re against burning flags but you think a law is silly, then you should follow my example. Of course if you’re for burning flags, then you probably are doing so already and nothing I say one way or another will affect what you do.

So I suggest the day after a constitutional amendment is officially ratified as the day to burn the first flag. Criminals, please note that the police will not be caring about murder or property theft that day, because that’s nothing when compared to burning a piece of cloth with one certain design as opposed to another.