One Way I Don’t Hate Canada

/ Sandy Smith

For a while I thought that Canadians had nothing in common except the fact nobody there, with the exception of a boatload of hippies, was American. I whimiscally decided that, in order to be taken seriously, a country needs someone outside the country to hate it (besides the Quebecois)–and everybody was ignoring them. So I’ve been politely loathing Canada and things Canadian as my bit to help out Canadian sovereignty. Since every Canadian I met seemed to despise my country for being so violent, blah blah blah, I thought it a cry for attention and was willing to throw you lot a bone.

However, Grant McCracken undermines my efforts when he writes:

Plainly and simply, our neighbour needed us to close ranks, show solidarity, and present a single face to the dithering world community.

Er, no. If you’re really feeling indebted for those years of protection (which would assume we were doing this purely out of the kindness of our heart instead of needing a conveniently safe place to put the DEW Line), nothing says “thank you” like cash–maybe all that money you save on prescription drugs and not having any police since everyone up there is pure as the wind-driven snow, which I gather you have much experience with.

Seriously, just because we were determined to start a war on the thinnest of evidence doesn’t mean you’re less a friend (or a bratty younger brother) if you don’t follow us in. That’s like saying if Americans all started drinking heavily and going for a dip in the ocean, it would be Canada’s job to do the same to show solidarity to the world.

If you think it was right to go to war anyway because Saddam was a bad guy and for some reason was more important than all the other bad guys out there, fine. Criticize your government on that basis. But quite frankly it’s stupid to do it just because your ally has a yen. If that were so, how much shame would you put on the US (or, for that matter, yourselves) over the Suez crisis? I don’t hear anybody rushing to say Canada needed to put in troops in a land grab because you got a system of common laws from the UK and share a monarch.

If Canada were to say “Hey, we won’t go into Afghanistan because, well, thanks for the low, low prices on all the F-18s, but hey, we don’t want to become a target for the next 9/11, eh,” that would be ingratitude. That was the place to stand up and show solidarity. But to make a judgment that evidence of a threat from Saddam is insufficient, particularly when history has proven that judgment right and the American (and, honestly, mine at the time) judgment wrong, is not something to criticize.

Now, if you make the argument that the decision was taken on this visceral anti-Americanism you describe, the reasoning might be worthy of criticism. But so far, this is one of the few things I think Canada can feel just a bit smug aboot.

And remember, I hate Canada. Politely.

178 thoughts on “One Way I Don’t Hate Canada”

  7. wow…so much hate..and u dun even kno me..hm, canucks are just judge way to quickly

    prob why u hate us so damn much huh? and no, its not eh and zed, french fuks

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  9. CHECK BACK ON THE POSTS DIPSHIT,YOU STARTED IT WITH CANADA YOU UNGRATEFUL PRICK AND YOU NEVER RESPONDED TO MY POST ABOUT ANYTHING,JUST RANTED AND RAVED LIKE A TRUE BIG MOUTHED FUCKING `MURKIN AND THEN WONDER WHY THE WORLD HATES YOUR FUCKIN` USLESS GUTS………ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    wow…so much hate..and u dun even kno me..hm, canucks are just judge way to quickly

    prob why u hate us so damn much huh? and no, its not eh and zed, french fuks

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  10. I didnt respond to ur responses because that would have been a complete waste of my time, notice i usually never write more than a paragraph

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  12. damn i gotta stop postin so much, but me raving?? lets see, 15 blogs just about me, and sum one sentence, most more than 1 paragraph, sadly, i wrote 1 to 1 and a half today

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  13. now to something other thank canuck who luvs the redneck naming of me, i have to thank buyamerican for defending me, yay, and Sandy Smith, who is the smartest person on this blog, ever. Good vocab and spelling. and a great point!

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  14. I NOTICED YOU……..CAN`T.SHOOT YOUR USLESS USA MOUTH OFF,BACK IT UP OR SHUT UP!

    I didnt respond to ur responses because that would have been a complete waste of my time, notice i usually never write more than a paragraph

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  16. You got a filthy mouth canuck do you kiss others with that? Let me send you a bar of soap so you can rinse the dirtyness away.

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  17. YOU cannot defend the indefensible,this plug did not respond to one of my posts,just yapped about some sometnig he knows nothing about.we saved lives in new orleans and he yaps about fuckin` walmart.jesus christ why does the world put up with these assholes.ok,cocksucker , you tell me why you dislike canadians,we were always good to you,too fucking good.rarely write more than fuck all all,you usless tool.ass fuckin` hole

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  25. turtle/canuck same guy billybob,so when you decide to stop your vietnam thing,i`m here,you useless piece of skin.useless cunt.just fuckin` useless.

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  28. but ya know,other than old fuck face billybob,life is good.just today in nova scotia i gave wrong direction to a `murkin,hope the cunt speak inuit.

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  29. That’s great canuck…im sure the American understood as we are all equipped with an internal compass that gets us from point a to point b

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  30. (A)merica to (B)ritain,all the rest is a mystery.ww2 canadian women drove your aircraft to britain because you couldn`t fuckin` find it!!!!!!!!!!

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  31. Wrong it wasn’t that we couldn’t find it its just we felt we were too precious of cargo to pilot a plan and decided we needed chauffers instead..thats where your canadian woman came into play

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  33. Nope I don’t gotta love me turtle you will have to love them for me…Denutted? what can I say except sometimes you feel like a nut..sometimes you don’t

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  45. Why I get pissed at you useless cock smokers.Nobody likes amateurs.

    For all our talk about a lack of Canadian identity and so on, there is a Canadian way – and no where is it more evident than among our very capable soldiers overseas. I have seen it. An example came on the mountain known as the Whale in eastern Afghanistan. It was March 2002 and Canadian soldiers had launched their first combat offensive operation in 50 years. There were supposed to be between 60 and 80 highly motivated, suicidal al-Qaida fighters waiting for the Canadians on that mountain. The fact is, by the time we got there, they weren’t there. Most had left. There was, however, a single, lonely donkey wandering around the cliffs and hillsides. It had probably humped more mortar rounds for the al-Qaida during the past month than Canadians had fired in decades. But it didn’t matter. The animal posed no threat. There were 600 Canadians on that mountain and 100 American troops. For all we knew at the time, there was an al-Qaida fighter around every corner. It was a highly charged atmosphere, yet the Canadians – as Canadians are wont to do – feared for the donkey’s safety. So they broke open some infra-red glo-sticks and smeared the stuff all over the donkey so he could be seen at all hours. Then they sent him on his way. A little while later, there was a volley of gunfire and the donkey was dead, shredded by hundreds of rounds of ammunition. The Americans had blown him away.

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  47. I was in Afghanistan again this past summer and fall. I watched the transition when the Germans handed over their area of operations to the Canadians. I went on some joint patrols with the two forces and, later, I accompanied the Canadians on many patrols both inside and outside Kabul. The German style was very different from the Canadians’. Predictably, they were stiffer; more reserved; less personable. Likewise, the Afghans were a little stand-offish; a little less warm and, I would argue, a little less trusting. It was amazing to watch the change over the four months that I was there. The Canadians have what I call the common touch. They don’t impose themselves or their lifestyles on people. They respect local customs. Under the Canadians, the Afghans opened up. They are a naturally warm, welcoming people, and they began to show that more every day. They grew to like the Canadians and, I would say, trust them. This contrasts with the experiences of some other ISAF forces in other sectors of the city, and certainly with the American experience elsewhere in Afghanistan. And I would suggest this pays off in operations like the recent ones in which Canadian troops and Afghan authorities successfully took down operatives of the HIG terrorist organization with nary a shot fired in anger. (Just as an aside: On one recent operation, where Canadians raided two compounds, the troops didn’t kick in any doors; , the officer commanding the operation knocked. The man they were out to get answered and the OC informed him he was under arrest). I suspect we have not seen the last of operations of this nature involving Canadians in and around Kabul. Like most Canadian operations that I have seen, they are typified by the precise and judicious use of force.

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  48. Listen Canuck you need a good ass beating and im just the one to give it to you…

    Posted by: buyamerican | October 30, 2005 12:59 AM

    LET IT BEGIN,JUST SO.

    The ass beating will commence at later time…for now just know its cumming

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  50. Fox news? im gonna call fuckin every news channel to cover that do you know how many americans would pay to see me beat your ass they all want a piece of you LOL

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