An Open Letter from Paul Wolfowitz to the Beheaders

Thank you.

No, really. I mean it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Things were starting to look bad there for a while, what with Spain leaving what little of a coalition we had and John Kerry gaining in the polls. I thought I might have to move to Russia to institute the kind of foreign policy I dream of.

But you’ve saved me.

Every time you lop off a head, you make people that much more unsure they want to object to unilateral action against you people. Even if we’re not getting anything done, we can be seen to be Doing Something, and every beheading makes Abu Ghraib a little less bad by comparison.

So please, I beg of you, keep it up. I don’t want to have to move to Russia, because it’s so full of damn dirty Slavs and other untermenschen.

Your pal in conflict and big budgets,