The education world was rocked last week by news that Mesa, Arizona had found perfection in everything about the way it educates students, allowing all students, no matter their gender, ethnicity, or economic background to achieve perfection, wisdom, and enlightenment. So they started regulating hug length.

The “no-hugging” rule had previously been in the student handbook. After many students began expressing concern about public hugging and kissing in the hallways, the school began reinforcing the guideline by punishing huggers, which led to Friday’s protest.

Prior to the demonstration, the district said the principal and students brokered an agreement to clarify the “no-hugging” rule. According to the guidelines, small hugs, less than two seconds, are permitted but longer ones and kissing are not.

The demonstration referred to in the quote was a group hug-in that students undertook to celebrate their universally perfect educational achievement, since otherwise no sane administration would waste time enforcing hugging regulations and would put their efforts to actually, I dunno, teach or something.
Also, boo on the reporter for not sourcing the claim that student complaints led to the crackdown on hugging. I’m willing to bet a large sum of money it was from a school administrator. I’m also willing to bet that while some pet Christard narc student is ready and available to testify that they complained (hey, lying for Jesus can’t be wrong, as long as “for Jesus” means “imposing my morality on others, whether or not I can actually find textual support for it in the Bible”), the real reason is some random teacher or administrator didn’t like all that touchin’ goan on in hyeuh, and decided to go on a pogrom, Texas-style.