Looks like another attempt to eat your way to health has died. Low fat diets, in a long term, extremely large study, do nothing to affect your rates of cancer or heart disease.

The $415 million federal study involved nearly 49,000 women ages 50 to 79 who were followed for eight years. In the end, those assigned to a low-fat diet had the same rates of breast cancer, colon cancer, heart attacks and strokes as those who ate whatever they pleased, researchers are reporting today.

Even if they weren’t low fat enough, or didn’t cut out enough of the right fats, there should have been some measurable benefit for that many people over eight years. Instead, we’re left with body shape, smoking, activity level, and family history being the most important factors. Three of those you can control, but I’ve read the fourth matters as much or more.

One thing this means is that people who want to grab a study involving four or five subjects and mandate whatever the latest health fad is for everyone–for the children–need to enjoy a warm, tall glass of shut the fuck up. Yeah, if you dramatically reduce the variety of food you eat, eat more than you need, and stop exercising a la Morgan Spurlock, you will be worse off. But what if a later study says that certain fats excised from school diets turns out to be necessary for proper development in children?

We’re all going to die. We’re all going to die in different ways. Sure, don’t do anything stupid, but don’t live your life as if the next news report is going to save your life–it won’t. Being born is terminal.

I’m gonna have a cookie and do something nice for somebody tomorrow.

I’ll just brush my teeth afterwards.

Hey, remember the “don’t be stupid” bit?