So, despite US efforts to eradicate their crop, Colombian farmers are growing as much coca as ever. So if you’re in Europe, looking for a new angle on the Drug Menace, what do you do? Conflate it with the ‘Frankenfood’ scare.

The gist of the article is: they’re getting more yield per plant on less farmland, so a leaked dossier speculates that may mean they’re using genetically modified plants–or perhaps fertilizer, but scary…scary! Even now they’re probably becoming non-sessile and forcing themselves into processing vats and transporting themselves into your house to shove themselves up your children’s noses! Scary! After all, it’s the genetic modification aspect of the plant that’s frightening, not the dime-sized hole in your septum after prolonged use…