Funny Stuff

U.S. Postal Service Broken, part 2,659

/ Sandy Smith / 2 Comments

Ever since Lysander “Sandy” Spooner pointed out some legal and practical problems with the Postal Service monopoly, people have been pointing out that even full-bore Communist countries do a better job with the mails, and even if Socialism works over there, clearly USPS has failed and needs to go away. Among these have been collecting anecdotes of just how much the U.S. mail service sucks.

I present to you merely the latest in one of the Poster Children for Why, If Government Is the Answer, It Must Be a Stupid Question.

My December issue of Reason just arrived. Great, you say, it’s December. No problem. Except that, like most magazines, it ships the month before, and it arrived SEVEN (7) FRIGGING DAYS AFTER the January issue.

The idea that it was Reason that got this treatment is deliciously ironic, as it is the current bastion of libertarian ideals.

Really, can’t we just let UPS and Fed Ex compete for our first-class letters? They do a much better job. If you really feel like people in trailers squatting on federal property in some waterless, God-remebered piece of crap land in the Southwest need first class mail service, donate to a freaking charity, alright?

Beautiful Moments in Technology

/ Sandy Smith / 2 Comments

So, Joe Schmoe‘s resolution having been delayed a week in favor of the Flagging Magazine Subscription Awards ’03, I turned on the leaden USA remake of the DC Sniper Shootings (which I was peripherally involved in, having spent the worst of it in London).

As I sometimes do when the sound might be down, I left the Closed Captioning on, and a scene closed on a dramatic moment: a bad actor asks what the point of the shootings is. The other bad actor playing Chief “Bad Actor” Moose replied, “Fear”. This word was appropriately displayed by the Closed Captioning. The word “Fear” lingered after the scene faded to black, and the sponsor’s announcement came on.

“21 Days of Fear: the DC Sniper Shootings is brought to you by KFC.” The ubiquitous and strangely target-like face of Colonel Saunders was displayed over this announcement.

And still hanging below the red, black, and white visage of the Colonel, as the announcer faded to silence, was the word “Fear.”