One Way I Don’t Hate Canada

For a while I thought that Canadians had nothing in common except the fact nobody there, with the exception of a boatload of hippies, was American. I whimiscally decided that, in order to be taken seriously, a country needs someone outside the country to hate it (besides the Quebecois)–and everybody was ignoring them. So I’ve been politely loathing Canada and things Canadian as my bit to help out Canadian sovereignty. Since every Canadian I met seemed to despise my country for being so violent, blah blah blah, I thought it a cry for attention and was willing to throw you lot a bone.

However, Grant McCracken undermines my efforts when he writes:

Plainly and simply, our neighbour needed us to close ranks, show solidarity, and present a single face to the dithering world community.

Er, no. If you’re really feeling indebted for those years of protection (which would assume we were doing this purely out of the kindness of our heart instead of needing a conveniently safe place to put the DEW Line), nothing says “thank you” like cash–maybe all that money you save on prescription drugs and not having any police since everyone up there is pure as the wind-driven snow, which I gather you have much experience with.

Seriously, just because we were determined to start a war on the thinnest of evidence doesn’t mean you’re less a friend (or a bratty younger brother) if you don’t follow us in. That’s like saying if Americans all started drinking heavily and going for a dip in the ocean, it would be Canada’s job to do the same to show solidarity to the world.

If you think it was right to go to war anyway because Saddam was a bad guy and for some reason was more important than all the other bad guys out there, fine. Criticize your government on that basis. But quite frankly it’s stupid to do it just because your ally has a yen. If that were so, how much shame would you put on the US (or, for that matter, yourselves) over the Suez crisis? I don’t hear anybody rushing to say Canada needed to put in troops in a land grab because you got a system of common laws from the UK and share a monarch.

If Canada were to say “Hey, we won’t go into Afghanistan because, well, thanks for the low, low prices on all the F-18s, but hey, we don’t want to become a target for the next 9/11, eh,” that would be ingratitude. That was the place to stand up and show solidarity. But to make a judgment that evidence of a threat from Saddam is insufficient, particularly when history has proven that judgment right and the American (and, honestly, mine at the time) judgment wrong, is not something to criticize.

Now, if you make the argument that the decision was taken on this visceral anti-Americanism you describe, the reasoning might be worthy of criticism. But so far, this is one of the few things I think Canada can feel just a bit smug aboot.

And remember, I hate Canada. Politely.

178 thoughts on “One Way I Don’t Hate Canada

  1. Neither fear nor common sense shall stand in my way when I cum there. You my dear canuck will bare the burden of my wrath


  2. Oh americans are ignorant, but when we are decent enough to visit your country, give you money, you give us wrong directions…luckily we aren’t stupid enough to go as far north as Nunavut…Too damn cold! Maybe since your balls are so shriveled you can’t feel the temperature change.


  3. and how did you exactly help us? you keep telling me to back up my info, i dont see any links…here is sumthin which all you fucking canucks would luv
    Here is all the info YOU canucks need, (especially when a person uses multiple idenities to actually have support)for the “back up” info that is needed. ENJOY CANUCKS USA #1 in everything

    canada just fails at life, please jump off the Sears Tower, since the CN Tower has only a restaurant…you might get too tempted to eat sum poutine…top floor on the obersvation deck on the Sears…Damn HAVE FUN!!!

    hopefully, sum “ignorant american” will give you wrong directions, and hopefully you find sum friendly farmers to take you in


  4. We can start here.

    Bush Thanks Canadians for 9/11 Support, Urges Unity
    By Donna Miles
    American Forces Press Service

    WASHINGTON, Dec. 1, 2004 — President Bush traveled to Halifax in the Canadian province of Nova Scotia today to thank Canada’s people for helping America “in an hour of need.”

    He reminded them that the United States and Canada share not only common borders, but also common values and acceptance of their responsibilities in the world.

    Bush praised Canadians for coming to the aid of more than 33,000 airline passengers whose flights were diverted after the United States closed its airspace following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. “You opened your homes and your churches to strangers,” he said. “You brought food; you set up clinics; you arranged for calls to their loved ones; and you asked for nothing in return.”

    This immediate outpouring demonstrated the union between the United States and Canada, with their common heritage, common border and common values that transcend centuries, the president said.


  5. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
    Jump to: navigation, search

    A 4-ship task force with “Operation UNISON” departing Halifax Harbour on September 6, 2005 for the U.S. Gulf Coast.Hurricane Katrina

    2005 Atlantic hurricane season

    Economic effects
    Damage to infrastructure
    Political effects
    Criticism of gov’t response
    Social effects
    Effects by region
    Effects on Mississippi
    Effects on New Orleans
    N.O. hurricane preparedness
    Civil disturbances
    Infrastructure repairs
    Disaster relief
    International response
    Canadian response
    Dutch response
    French response
    Mexican response
    Russian response
    Singaporean response
    Swedish response
    Alternative theories
    Historical context


    Commons: Katrina images
    Wikinews: Katrina stories
    Wikisource: NOAA warning bulletin
    Wikisource: USACE on “unwatering” N.O.

    On September 2, following discussions between Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Canada and the U.S. Federal Emergency Management Agency, the Government of Canada announced it was sending a task force comprising three warships—HMCS Athabaskan, HMCS Toronto and HMCS Ville de Québec—along with the Coast Guard vessel CCGS Sir William Alexander and three Sea King helicopters and one BO-105 helicopter to the area in a few days. The Canadian Forces also provided several Griffon helicopters and crews to the New England States at the request of the United States Coast Guard whose search and rescue helicopters from that area have been assigned to Gulf Coast SAR operations.

    The U.S. Infantry led by the RCMP outside the Canadian Embassy on September 7 to raise funds for Katrina victims.The task force is organized under the name “Operation UNISON” and involves over 1,000 personnel from the Canadian Forces and Coast Guard who will be directed by their American counterparts during relief operations. A precedent was established with a similar humanitarian aid response by the Government of Canada following Hurricane Andrew when the Auxiliary Oil Replenishment (AOR) ship HMCS Protecteur participated in “Operation TEMPEST”, providing relief supplies and personnel in southern Florida and the Bahamas.

    The ships and aircraft have the capacity to relocate people and deliver a broad range of supplies, including tents, cots, water containers and items as men’s and women’s toiletries, sun screen and insect repellent. The Public Health Agency of Canada has also been in contact with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and has offered whatever support may be needed. “We are really prepared to operate on all fronts as requested and as co-ordinated by the United States,” said Prime Minister Paul Martin.

    In an interview on National Public Radio, Canada’s Ambassador to the US said that in addition to the basic desire to help a neighbor in need, many Canadians also remember the ancestors of Louisiana’s Cajuns were expelled from what would become Canada by the British in the 18th century, which he felt gives an extra historical dimension to Canadians’ desire to help the people of Lousiana today.

    See: Great Expulsion
    The Canadian Red Cross has launched an appeal for donations and is providing aid; 37 Canadian Red Cross personnel have been transported by Canadian military aircraft to assist with efforts in Houston, Texas. The Government of Nova Scotia has donated $100,000 towards the Red Cross effort. Other provinces have expressed interest in providing temporary housing to those left homeless.

    Vancouver Urban Search and Rescue arrived in Lafayette, Louisiana on the evening of August 31, 2005, on a WestJet Airlines aircraft. Due to security they started their mission on September 3, saving 30 people that day. They returned to Vancouver on September 6th, reportedly saving over 110 people during their deployment.

    Ontario Hydro, Hydro-Québec, and Manitoba Hydro, along with other electricial utilities, prepared crews to be sent to the affected areas. Canada also increased oil exports as requested by the IEA to help stabilize the world market in the wake of the crisis.On September 2 Air Canada participated along with U.S. member airlines of the Air Transport Association, in a voluntary airline industry initiative to support rescue and relief operations. Air Canada was the first foreign carrier to land in New Orleans delivering water and supplies and lifting victims to safety.

    On September 4, following a request from U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the Government of Canada announced it was prepared to send thousands of beds, blankets, surgical gloves and dressings and other medical supplies. The Government of Canada announced it would also send 35 divers to help with the rescue effort. One of the divers’ tasks will be to inspect levees.

    On September 5, 35 military divers were poised to depart by air Sunday from Halifax and Esquimalt, B.C., for the New Orleans area. Their chief tasks will be to help their U.S. counterparts clear navigational hazards like loose barges and inspect flood-damaged levees.The 18-member Pacific Fleet Diving Unit based at Esquimalt flew to Pensacola, Fl.

    On September 6 the Operation UNISON task force of navy and coast guard ships departed Halifax Harbour for the U.S. Gulf Coast. Some residents of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island were offering shelter to the homeless survivors of hurricane Katrina. Ann McLellan, the Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, announced that her department was discussing with the U.S. National Security Advisor the possibility of Canadians billeting American storm evacuees. She also said that the American Red Cross has asked Canadian Red Cross chapters in Quebec for cots for refugees staying at U.S. evacuation centres and that other services had been requested from chapters in Ontario. Universities across Canada have also offered to take in university students from New Orleans whose studies have been interrupted.

    On September 7, the Canadian Embassy started a Hurricane Katrina fund to support victims in the Gulf region. Frank McKenna, Canadian ambassador to the U.S., told Americans “you are our friends and together we are family – you do not suffer alone.”

    On September 8 the Government of Alberta announced that it was donating $5 million to the Hurricane Katrina fund administered by former presidents Bush and Clinton.

    On September 19 it was announced that the three warships from the Operation UNISON task force would be returning to Halifax, leaving the coast guard ship to continue its mission of clearing navigation hazards and repairing buoys.


  6. The mission to extract the six Americans from Tehran came to be known as the “Canadian Caper.” Laingen said, “January 29 [1980] saw the safe departure of the six Americans, each with Canadian passports, forged Iranian visas, and the best Canadian accents they could muster.”

    Antonio J. Mendez, a former CIA officer who was part of the undercover rescue team, explained the details of the cover story used for the mission. Creating a credible cover was essential in addition to securing passports from a country whose citizens the American “houseguests” could credibly represent. The group of six would exit Tehran as a scouting crew working for a fictitious Hollywood production company, “Studio 6.” They boarded a Swissair flight at Tehran’s international airport, with forged Iranian immigration slips in their Canadian passports, and returned home to a hero’s welcome.

    Bill Berkeley, former reporter and editorial writer for the New York Times, described the U.S. media’s enthusiastic coverage of the “Canadian Caper.” The American public was ecstatic and grateful to Canada once the story of the rescue was aired. In contrast, the Iranian press at the time reacted with threats and promises of revenge. Berkeley went on to detail the lives of some of the hostage-takers, some of whose later activities as reformist politicians and journalists belie their activities during the revolution.

    Reflecting on that time, Laingen said, “Canada had demonstrated for all Americans to see the quality of a true and good neighbor…In the ministry our spirits had never been higher with the news that all concerned were safely out of Iran…In a crunch, [Canadians] are our closest and most reliable friends, and we should not forget that.”


  7. There is another topical example of this blissful ignorance. A few weeks ago everyone was rivetted to the daring rescue of an ailing American doctor in Antarctica. It received headlines and coverage everywhere in the U.S. media. But you may not be aware of the story behind the story.

    The plane that rescued the doctor, a twin otter, was Canadian designed and manufactured. It was based with a company in Calgary, Alberta, which had developed special technology for this type of flying: the pilots were Canadian, and they succeeded where others had failed.


  8. For whatever reason I damn well feel like. This is decidedly not a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship. I reserve the right to delete posts because they are meaningless machine-generated spam, because they’re too crude even for me, because they’re sufficiently off-topic, or because I just got my knickers in a twist.


  9. Yeah, fortunately I can always move to Canada and open up a radio station playing nothing but British and Japanese hits.

    Oh, wait, that’s right, I can’t because of Canadian content laws. I can see how newfies get pretty bored in the dark up there listening to the Aldo Nova retrospective, eh?

    So, the CBC stop oppressing its labor unions yet?


  10. I Have My First Hater

    Surely this will catapult me into the ranks of big time bloggers like that guy from flyover country, the gay Republican, or some political hack. My more commented-upon Canadian-themed post got quite a lot of hate comments from Canadians who failed to r…


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